Whatever Happened to Love Songs?

I admit, I wasn’t big into love songs growing up. However, as I’ve gotten older I’ve come to really appreciate them. Mind you, I know the lifestyles of many of the musicians of my generation were not puritanical—far from. Still, there was a recognition of love and commitment. Whatever happened to love songs—songs about cherishing, valuing, and being committed to another? Consider some of the following lines:

“I meant every word I said when I said that I loved you I meant that I loved you forever.” ~ Keep On Loving You by REO Speedwagon

“Love me tomorrow like today, love me tomorrow, hurry back, can’t you see I need you much more than yesterday?” ~ Love Me Tomorrow by Chicago

“I will always love you, I would never leave you alone … I am a man who will fight for your honor.” ~ Glory of Love by Peter Cetera

“You came along and stole my heart when you entered my life. Ooh, babe, you got what it takes, so I made you my wife. Since then I never looked back. It’s almost like living a dream. And, oooh, I love you.” ~ I Love You by Climax Blues Band

“You are so beautiful to me, can’t  you see? You’re everything I hoped for, you’re everything I need. You are so beautiful to me.” ~ You Are So Beautiful by Joe Cocker

“I just called to say I love you. I just called to say I care. ~ I Just Called to Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder

“When my soul was in the lost and found, you came along to claim it … You make me feel like a natural woman.” ~ A Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin

Today’s love songs are often “break-up” songs. What’s worse is the fact many songs are simply about getting in the sack with someone then leaving without any commitment. Worse still are raunchy songs using derogatory terms in reference to women. Still, not long ago a controversial song came out by a women who sang about the condition of her crotch (to put it mildly).

Our society bemoans the fact it’s breaking down. But what should we expect when so many ridicule—and even scorn—devotion, faithfulness, and commitment? Why should there be surprise when people—especially girls—are viewed not as persons but  objects, or when guys aren’t respected if they’re “nice guys” who have standards, or children are viewed as mistakes and inconveniences?

Emotionally healthy families, love, faithfulness, and fidelity makes stronger and healthier communities, but to neglect these vital elements certainly erodes the foundation and stability of any society.

Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. ~ Proverbs 3:3-4

Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor. Do they not go astray who devise evil? Those who devise good meet steadfast love and faithfulness. ~ Proverbs 14:21-22

10 Truths When a Christian Experiences Depression

  1. Depression is not necessarily because of sin. There are some who think if a believer experiences depression, then it must be because of sin. However, there are various reasons for depression. Although sin can be a reason, so can hunger (physical or emotional), loneliness, loss, chronic pain, and tiredness.
  2. Depression is not a sign of faithlessness or unfaithfulness. In the Scriptures we read of faithful persons of God who had bouts of depression, including Jeremiah, Job, Hannah, Elijah, and Paul. Throughout church history, Christians such as Charles Spurgeon, Martin Luther, and A. W. Pink likewise experienced depression.
  3. God’s promises are truth, not one’s feelings. Rarely are feelings honest—especially when one is struggling with depression. Feelings will say one is unimportant, worthless, or unloved. One must be anchored on the truth of God’s Word. As Luther wrote: “Feelings come and feelings go, and feelings are deceiving; My warrant is the Word of God, naught else is worth believing.”
  4. We have an adversary who seeks to take advantage of one’s depression. The devil is able to plant negative thoughts in people’s minds. Not every thought is one’s own. Sometimes, in fact, it can be difficult to tell the difference. Yet, when thoughts encourage despair or harm, these are certainly from the evil one. Still, there can seem to be such a diabolical logic—but the adversary’s intentions are always to steal, kill, and destroy (see John 10:10).
  5. Your family and friends would not be better off without you. One of the most ruthless and deceptive lies told by the evil one to the depressed is that their loved ones would be better off without them. However, the loss and anguish family and friends would experience is unfathomable. 
  6. God has neither forgotten nor forsaken you. One of the areas where feelings can become very misleading is when God “feels” a million miles away. God promises to never forget, leave, or forsake those who are His (see Isa. 49:15; Heb. 13:5).
  7. Your life is not worthless. With depression, thoughts and feelings both feed off the other. Negative thoughts continue to drive negative feelings, and those feelings trigger continuous negative thoughts. One’s thoughts can influence a person to come to the conclusion his life is worthless; however, the fact God gave His Son, and Jesus shed His own blood, to redeem you shows your incredible worth. 
  8. Your failures do not define you. Memories, like continuous devastating waves of a tsunami, can come rushing into the mind of the depressed. Memories of failures in school, in work, in sports, as a friend, as a parent, as a son or daughter, as a Christian, and as a human being. Sanctification is a lifelong process of changing from glory to glory (see 2 Cor. 3:18). Still, your identity, as a whole, is in Christ (see Eph. 2).
  9. Light and joy will eventually return. The deep blackness and joylessness of the pit of depression can seem to be perpetual, like a never ending nightmare. As long as a night might seem, dawn eventually comes. Similarly, a dawn will eventually come. The night of depression is not forever (see Mic. 7:8).
  10. It’s alright to get help. Needing the help of others is not a sign of weakness, but part of being human. While God created us for Himself, it is He who said it’s not good for man to be alone. It is He who created the institutions of marriage, family, friendship, community, and the church. Each of us need these. Even Jesus surrounded Himself with His closest disciples just prior to His crucifixion. When one is dealing with depression, although he wants to isolate himself, he needs his family and friends. He needs his pastor or professional counselor. God gives us one another to help one another. It’s not only alright to get help, but it can be detrimental to refuse the help and resources God provides.

Depression can be debilitating to a person. These truths will not take one’s depression away, but may they be of help to keep running the race, and as grace to persevere when everything inside wants to give up.

The Risk, and the Courage, to Love

To love. I do not mean the raging hormones seeking to find release that is mistakenly called “love” and so extolled and worshiped in music, novels, and film. No, I mean LOVE: genuine benevolence, compassion, and desire of wellbeing for others.

Authentic love requires courage, because it is accompanied by sacrifice and risk. On this side of eternity, love will always result in heartache. Such heartache will come by means of being nonreciprocal (rejection or resistance), betrayal, or loss (separation or death). Each pain is different, but each hurt immensely to the core of our being.

Without romanticizing or glamorizing love, we must be willing to ask ourselves, is it worth the risk? One should not be overly critical of those who have felt the wounds of heartache stemming from what, from their part, was true love: loss of a parent, a friend moving away, the betrayal of a lover, the death of a pet, rejection by one greatly admired, etc. Such internal pain can embitter a person. There are those who choose to harden their hearts and close them up securely, so that they might protect themselves from such suffering again. Their hearts become like walls of Jericho—none shall enter and they shall not come out (see Joshua 6:1). Yet, this too, comes with great risk.

Only as a person is open to love, both willing to extend and receive it, can he truly experience the wonders of love, joy, connection, and true humanity. Furthermore, as much as we can extend and receive love can we truly appreciate another’s kindness or sacrifice, a baby’s dependency, a dog’s kisses, a friend’s good intentions, another’s sincere apology, the beauty of life, etc.

As mentioned, to choose to not love also comes with risk. One can choose to protect themselves from further pain of heartache, but not without imprisoning themselves to a place void of joy, peace, and true purpose. A person might protect themselves from the heartache of rejection, betrayal, and loss; however, replacing these is the pain of loneliness, friendlessness, disconnect, bitterness, and resentment. Furthermore, he misses his deeper purpose, as our species is created to be relational. In other words, he imprisons himself and forfeits freedom. Sadly, there are many who find such imprisonment worth it—just as long as they can protect their hearts. But in the long run, do they?

To love does not mean we are to be naive or stupid. We are to be discerning who we befriend, keep company with, and give our hearts to. Indeed, the Scriptures command us to love others—including our enemies. However, we are also told:

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. ~ Proverbs 13:20 (ESV)

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” ~ 1 Corinthians 15:33

Love does not mean condoning or passively putting up with abuse and meanness. Let us be clear on this. However, we should not close and harden our hearts, suspecting the universe—and everyone in it—is against us. We should not set standards so high as being impossible for others to attain. We should not erect a wall, and having a grotesque gargoyle appearance on our face—intimidating anyone who would dare approach us. And we should not shoot back a cold, empty stare when someone greets us with a warm smile.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. ~ Romans 12:9-13

Notice, genuine love abhors what is evil, and it does not rejoice at wrongdoing. Love is not about phony niceness, becoming a doormat, or giving allowance to anything and everything. Nevertheless, love is patient, kind, and honorable with others. In other words, love does not wink at corruption or turn a blind eye to injustice. However, love does not condemn everyone guilty until proven innocent or withhold mercy at every shortcoming. Love remembers, compassionately, that no one is perfect and grace is required.

Yes, there is sorrow and pain that come with embracing the risk to love, but there is greater risk in not doing so. The sorrow that comes with love is mingled with times of joy, delight, and connection. The closed heart prohibits such mingling but remains as a dank, lonesome dungeon.